A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
One character is waiting. Another arrives.
Two – Hi.
One – Hi.
Two – This is the place for the casting, right?
One – Yeah.
Two – OK. (A pause) So… it’s just the two of us?
One – Apparently.
A pause.
Two – I can’t remember, what’s the role again?
The other takes out a sheet of paper and glances at it.
One – It’s for the part of Albert Einstein.
Two – Albert Einstein…?
One – Yep. Albert Einstein.
Two – Right… Are you sure…? (He pulls out his own sheet and checks it) Mine says… Adolf Hitler.
One – Let’s see. (The other hands him the sheet and he glances at it) Ah, yeah…
Two – Maybe there are two roles.
One – Yeah…
Two – Is it for film or television?
The other checks his sheet again.
One – It’s for a play.
Two – A play with Einstein and Hitler…?
One – Yeah.
Two – I’m guessing it’s not a comedy…
One – It’s an imagined confrontation between the two men. In real life, they never met.
Two – I doubt they’d have had much to say to each other.
One – Hitler despised what he called “Jewish physics”. Which, in a way, was lucky. It meant the Nazis were slow to invest in nuclear research. That’s what allowed the Americans to get the bomb first.
Two – Oh, really…?
One – In the end, it was Hitler’s antisemitism that helped bring about the fall of the Third Reich.
Two – OK…
One – In 1933, Einstein went into exile in the US. He was the one who convinced Roosevelt to launch the Manhattan Project.
Two – The Manhattan Project…?
One – The programme that developed the first atomic bomb.
Two – Right… So it’s a kind of showdown between Einstein and Hitler.
One – That’s it.
The other looks around again.
Two – Well, if it’s just the two of us, we’re guaranteed a part.
One – Yeah.
A pause.
Two – Would you rather play Einstein or Hitler?
One – What about you?
Two – Not sure.
One – Playing a genius or a monster… Though call.
Two – I can’t really see myself playing Hitler.
One – No? What’s the issue?
Two – I don’t know… The moustache, for starters.
One – The moustache?
Two – I guess we’ll have to wear fake ones.
One – And…?
Two – Fake moustaches never stay on properly…
One – OK… But Einstein had a moustache too.
Two – Did he?
One – Yeah… And a much bigger one than Hitler’s.
Two – Oh, damn…
One – So you’d rather play Einstein, then?
Two – I don’t know… We’ll see.
One – We could flip a coin.
Two – You think?
One – Why not?
Two – Alright.
One – Heads, I’m Einstein. Tails, you’re Hitler.
Two – OK.
The first flips a coin, then picks it up and shows it to the second.
One – Heads, I’m Einstein.
Two – OK… I never really saw myself as a genius anyway.
One – Fair enough…
Blackout.
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A sketch from the collection Backstage Bits
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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https://jeanpierremartinez.net