A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
Two schoolgirls (potentially played by adults dressed as teenagers) arrive one after the other, clearly coming from school.
One – Did you get your report cards?
Two – Yes.
One – What’s your average?
Two – Seventeen on twenty.
One – Oh, wow…
Two – And you?
One – Eight and a half.
Two – Oh, wow… That’s exactly half.
One – Half of what?
Two – Eight and a half. Half of seventeen.
One – You think?
The other looks at her in amazement and gives up on answering. Silence.
One – What do you want to be when you grow up?
Two – I don’t know… (Pause) I’m torn between becoming a physiotherapist and a streetwalker.
One – Oh, that’s cool… (Silence) What exactly is a physiotherapist?
Two – Well… If someone has a cramp, for example, they call the physiotherapist, and she gives them a massage…
One – To get rid of the cramp…?
Two – Yeah…
One – Oh, I see… (Pause) So, it’s a masseuse, right?
Two – Yeah… But now, it’s called a physiotherapist.
One – That’s cool…
Two – It comes from Greek: ‘physis,’ meaning nature, and ‘therapeia,’ which means healing. So a physiotherapist is someone who heals through natural means. Because you need to study, you know, to become a physiotherapist.
One – Study Greek?
Two – And latin, too. To know what the radius, the stratocumulus and the cunnilingus are…
One – Oh, that’s cool… (Pause) And does a physiotherapist earn well?
Two – Nah… That’s the problem… That’s why I’m considering streetwalking.
One – Mmm… (Pause) Streetwalker is kind of like a delivery driver, right?
Two – That’s right… It’s a delivery driver, but one who delivers walking. That’s why it’s called a streetwalker.
One – Ah, I see… (Pause) And does it pay well?
Two – My older sister is a streetwalker, and my mom says she earns ten times more than she does.
One – What does your mom do?
Two – Nothing.
One – Nothing?
Two – Unemployment.
One – Oh, that sucks… And does your sister enjoy being a streetwalker?
Two – I don’t know. My stepfather kicked her out right after she decided to become one.
One – Oh, that’s not cool…
Two – Yeah, it sucks.
One – And what does your stepfather do?
Two – Nothing…
One – Unemployment?
Two – Deceased.
One – Oh, really? But deceased, uh? (Seeing her interlocutor’s silence) Wow…
Two – And what about you? What do you want to do when you finish school, if you ever do…
One – I’m undecided…
Two – Between what and what?
One – I don’t know.
Two – What do your parents do?
One – My dad is a Greek teacher.
Two – And your mom?
One – A Greek teacher.
Two – Great…
One – They want me to be a Latin teacher.
Two – A Latin teacher?
One – They say I’ll never reach the level to be a Greek teacher.
Two – Cool…
One – There’s no unemployment. It’s in the civil service.
Two – And does a Greek teacher earn well?
One – I don’t know…
Two – More than a streetwalker?
One – Maybe a bit less, actually.
Two – And you have to study…
One – There’s an exam… Is there an exam to be a streetwalker?
Two – My sister started right after living school.
One – Oh yeah… That’s cool…
They stay silent for a while.
One – Oh, damn…
Two – What?
One – Eight and a half… My parents are going to kill me, that’s for sure…
Two – Just tell them that.
One – What?
Two – To your folks. When you get home, tell them you want to be a streetwalker. That way, they’ll leave you alone.
One – You think?
Two – Well yeah…
One – Oh, okay…
Two – You don’t even need a diploma.
One – Yeah, that’s not a bad idea… (She checks her watch.) Well, I have to go, otherwise they really will kill me…
Two – Okay. Tell me all about it later.
One – What?
Two – About your folks! About your career plan. What they think…
One – Oh, okay… That’s cool… Thanks for the advice anyway…
She walks away. The other one sighs.
Two – Man, she’s really too clueless.
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Sidewalk Chronicles
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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