A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A character is sitting at a table. Another character arrives, wearing dark sunglasses, and addresses him.
One – “The long sobs of the violins of autumn…”
Two – “… soothe my heart with a monotonous languor.”
One – That’ll do. But it’s not “soothe”; it’s “wound.”
Two – Pardon?
One – “Wound my heart with a monotonous languor.”
Two – Oh, right…
One – Take a seat.
The other sits down.
Two – It’s a bit daft as a password, if you ask me.
One – And why’s that?
Two – Everyone knows the second line.
One – Not you, apparently…
Two – Sorry, I didn’t realise hitmen were so particular about Baudelaire’s poetry.
One – It’s Verlaine.
Two – Right…
One – I’m listening.
Two – I want someone… removed.
One – Yes, that’s usually why I get called… What’s this person’s name?
Two – Bella.
One – Bella?
Two – She’s a dog.
One – Look, that’s none of my business. But I’d prefer we avoid sexist remarks. I can’t stand them.
Two – No, I mean… she’s really a dog.
One – A dog? You mean an animal?
Two – Yes. A dog. A female one.
The other character stands, ready to leave.
One – Sorry, but we do have a certain code in our profession. We never harm animals.
Two – Wait… I’ll pay double.
Intrigued, the other character sits back down.
One – Why do you want this poor creature dead?
Two – If you knew her, you wouldn’t say “poor creature,” believe me.
One – Tell me about it…
Two – She was my wife’s dog.
One – Was?
Two – My wife’s dead.
One – The dog?
Two – My wife!
One – Sorry.
Two – No need to apologise… I’m the one who killed her.
One – And… why, if I may ask?
Two – Actually… it was more of an accident.
One – An involuntary manslaughter, then?
Two – Let’s just say… an unconscious slip.
One – I see.
Two – The three of us were out walking along a cliff…
One – The three of you?
Two – With Bella.
One – Ah, yes…
Two – I gave her a slight accidental nudge, she slipped, and fell to the bottom.
One – And the police didn’t question you?
Two – Not the police, no. But Bella saw everything. And since then…
One – What?
Two – She stares at me.
One – She stares at you?
Two – With an accusing look.
One – I see.
Two – You know that Bible story. “The eye was in the grave and watched Cain.”
One – That rings a vague bell. Although in my line of work, you know, the Bible isn’t exactly my bedtime reading.
Two – Well, Bella is my Cain. All day long, she fixes me with her gaze. It’s become unbearable.
One – I understand.
Two – I’m not sure you do. If this keeps up, I might do something drastic.
One – You could take care of it yourself. You did kill your wife.
Two – Yes, but I’m scared.
One – Scared?
Two – There’s something supernatural about it, I swear. She’s not just a dog. She’s…
One – What?
Two – That look… Bella’s eyes… It’s my wife’s stare.
A pause.
One – You’ve managed to give me the creeps too. And in my job, I’ve seen it all, believe me…
Two – Please, get rid of Bella for me, I’m begging you.
One – I’m really sorry, but… I don’t do reincarnations.
Two – But what am I going to do?
One – I don’t know… Become a dog?
He stands and leaves. The other character sits quietly for a moment.
Two – A dog… Woof… Woof, woof…
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Killer Sketches
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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https://jeanpierremartinez.net