A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A character (man or woman) is there. Another one arrives. Not noticing the first one, he thinks he is alone.
Transparent – Hello, I am the man you don’t see.
Inaudible – But… who’s calling me?
Transparent – I assure you, you’re not hearing voices, like Joan of Arc. But I was just telling you that… I hope you’re not deaf, at least?
Inaudible – No, no, I hear you very well. But where are you?
Transparent (to the audience) – It’s the tragedy of my life, I am completely transparent.
Inaudible – And can you hear me?
Transparent (to the audience) – I can see him moving his lips very well, but I can’t hear at all what he’s saying to me…
Inaudible – It’s the story of my life, I’m not mute, but no one hears me. Not even the deaf.
Transparent – How to know if he understood my question, I can’t hear his answer.
Inaudible – I can’t see him, and I can’t get myself heard. It’s not going to be easy to have a continuous conversation…
A third character arrives.
Odourless (addressing the one he sees) – Are you talking to yourself?
Inaudible – It’s not even worth answering him…
Transparent – No, not at all, I was talking to this gentleman you see there.
Odourless – It’s curious, I see you here, and I hear you over there!
Transparent – Oh no, but you won’t hear him. He’s the inaudible man.
Odourless (a bit lost) – Oh yes… And you?
Transparent – I am the invisible man.
Odourless – I see… Like in the movies, you mean?
Transparent – Yes… Except that I am really transparent. And for an actor, believe me, it’s not necessarily an advantage.
Odourless – That’s amazing… I can distinguish him perfectly, but I can’t hear what he’s saying, while you…
Transparent – Me, at least… even invisible, I remain perfectly understandable.
Odourless – Thank God, me too.
Transparent – So I think we’ll get along well.
Odourless – Yet generally, people say they can’t stand me.
Transparent sniffs the air in his direction.
Inaudible – It’s true though. It’s when people absolutely feel nothing that you notice it.
Odourless – What were you saying?
Transparent – Nothing. But I thought that being odourless is still less bothersome than being invisible, like me, or inaudible, like this poor man.
Odourless sniffs in his direction, evidently uncomfortable.
Odourless – No smell… In some cases, it can even be an advantage for others, believe me.
Inaudible (also uncomfortable) – Oh yes, him you don’t see, but you can definitely feel his presence, that’s for sure…
Transparent – It’s strange…
Odourless – What then?
Transparent – We are only three, right?
Inaudible – It seems so, right?
Transparent – And yet… I feel a presence, don’t you?
Odourless – Apart from you, I don’t feel anything…
Inaudible – A spiritual presence, you mean?
Silence.
Transparent – Unless it’s him…
Inaudible – Him?
Odourless – The one who, in addition to being invisible, inaudible, and odourless..
Inaudible – …is also untouchable and completely tasteless.
Odourless – God? Well, it doesn’t make sense…
Inaudible – In any case, it makes no sense to any of the five we know.
Transparent – Unless he’s broadcasting on another frequency…
Odourless – Oh yes… If God exists, we can say he’s extremely discreet…
A pause.
Transparent – I even wonder if at such a level of discretion, we can still talk about existence.
Inaudible – Yeah…
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Sidewalk Chronicles
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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