A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
Someone is lying in the bed, their face not visible. A man enters, dressed in clothing from another era and holding a bouquet of flowers (he’s the supposed father of the extraterrestrial woman seen earlier). Seeing that the woman is asleep, the man places the bouquet on the nightstand and leaves the room. The woman awakens and sits up in bed, looking at the bouquet. The man returns with a vase full of water.
Man – I didn’t want to wake you…
Woman (a bit disoriented) – Thank you for the flowers.
The man places the flowers in the vase and puts it on the nightstand.
Man – How are you feeling?
Woman – I had a bad night… In my dream, you were the one who was ill, and I came to visit you.
Man – But you’re not ill.
She looks surprised.
Woman – Then why am I in a hospital bed?
Man – But darling! This is the maternity ward. You’ve just given birth…
Woman – Ah, yes…
Man – You must still be under the influence of the anaesthesia.
Woman – Anaesthesia?
Man – It was a bit complicated; I’ll explain later. But don’t worry, everything will be fine now.
Woman – What about the baby?
Man – It’s a girl.
Woman – A girl! That’s wonderful…
Man – Well, when I say a girl…
Woman – Can I see her?
Man – It was a bit complicated. I’ll explain…
Woman – She didn’t survive the birth, did she?
Man – No, she didn’t die, don’t worry. Well, when I say don’t worry…
Woman – What’s going on? Did she suffer during delivery? Will she have lasting effects?
Man – No… She… Apparently, she won’t have any lasting effects. It’s just that…
Woman – Is she mongol?
Man – No, not that either. Although nowadays, people say ‘trisomic’ instead.
Woman – I don’t care about what people say! Is she normal or not?
Man – Yes… and no.
Woman – What do you mean, yes and no? Either you’re normal or you’re not, right?
Man – Let’s say she’s normal… for an extraterrestrial.
A pause.
Woman – I understand now…
Man – What do you mean, you understand? It doesn’t seem to surprise you…
Woman – Well, yes, of course, but… It’s coming back to me now.
Man – It’s coming back to you? What’s coming back to you? (Seeming to understand something) Are you telling me that you cheated on me with an extraterrestrial, and you’re just realizing it now?
Woman – It’s not at all what you think, I assure you.
Man – Oh, really?
Woman – A child… doesn’t necessarily require a mother and father. Think about Baby Jesus and the Virgin Mary, for instance!
Man – The Virgin Mary? Are you kidding me? My name isn’t Joseph, and I can recognize an adulterous woman when I see one.
Woman – It’s a bit more complicated than that…
Man – My wife cheated on me with an extraterrestrial. She just gave birth to an alien, and I was supposed to be the father! I can’t imagine something more complicated than that!
Woman – And are you sure she’s normal…
Man – What do you mean, normal? She looks like E.T., I’m telling you!
Woman – I’m just wondering… how can a gynaecologist know if an extraterrestrial baby is normal or not when she doesn’t even know which planet the father is from?
Man (dejected) – You’re right… Especially when the gynaecologist is from Romania. Because at least that we know for sure…
Blackout.
All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.
To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.
A sketch from the collection Not even dead
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net