A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
One – Hello.
Two – Hi.
One – I’m a sadist.
Two – Pleased to meet you. I’m Jack.
One – Er… No, I mean… I’m a sadist… Are you a masochist?
Two – A masochist? You mean, er… No… Why?
One – Oh no, sorry, I… Looking at you like that, I thought that…
Two – You think I look like a masochist…?
One – No, no, not at all… Well, maybe a bit, don’t you?
Two – Well, no…
One – OK, OK… I got it wrong… So you’re a sadist too.
Two – A sadist? No, why?
One – Well… if you’re not a masochist, you’re a sadist, aren’t you?
Two – Oh yes…? And why’s that?
One – Because we’re in a sadomasochist club, for a start…
Two – We’re in a sadomasochist club?
One – Well yes… You didn’t know?
Two – No… I thought it was a normal club… I mean… just a club…
One – You did see the sign at the entrance.
Two – The Whip…?
One – And that didn’t ring any bells?
Two – Since there’s a racecourse right next door…
One – You thought it was a club for jockeys.
Two – Not only that, but…
One – Are you a jockey?
Two – No. But I like horses. I bet on the races from time to time. In fact, I’ve just landed the trifecta in the right order. I came here to celebrate…
One – In a sadomasochist club…
Two – I’m telling you I didn’t know!
One – You must have noticed the clientele had a slightly unusual style, though, right?
Two – Slightly unusual…?
One – The leather, the chains, the moustaches…
Two – I thought it was a bunch of bikers out on the lash.
One – Yeah…
Two – I didn’t know… It happens, doesn’t it?
One – Or maybe it was a Freudian slip…
Two – A Freudian slip…?
One – Maybe deep down you knew perfectly well what you were getting into and you felt like giving it a try.
Two – Giving it a try? Trying what?
One – Have you ever tried it?
Two – No…
One – So how do you know you wouldn’t like it, if you’ve never tried?
Two – There are loads of things I’ve never done and have absolutely no desire to try, I can assure you.
One – Oh yes? Like what…
Two – I don’t know… Skydiving, for instance.
One – Well, you don’t know what you’re missing.
Two – Have you ever been skydiving?
One – I’m a parachutist.
Two – Oh yes… But a parachutist…?
One – A parachutist.
Two – Oh right… And so, er… But you too, there must be things you’ve never done and don’t feel like trying, surely?
One – Such as?
Two – I don’t know… Voting left-wing, for example…
One – I’ve tried that already, actually…
Two – Oh yes…? And then… You didn’t like it?
One – Let’s just say I found it very disappointing.
Two – I see… So you turned to… sadomasochism.
One – When you’ve never tried…
Two – OK…
One – A quick little spanking, doesn’t that appeal to you at all?
Two – A spanking…?
One – With a riding crop, if you prefer.
Two – Come to think of it, that would remind me of my youth.
One – When you were young, did you go to sadomasochist clubs?
Two – No, but I went to a state school. They did that in class, in front of everyone, and with the parents’ consent. The teacher had the riding crop and I got the spanking.
One – The teacher whipped you with a riding crop…
Two – It’s true that, when you think about it now…
One – There you are! I knew you were a masochist.
Two – I think I’d better be off.
One – Come back any time. If one day you feel like trying again…
Two – OK… I’ll… I’ll think about it…
One – That’s it, think about it…
Two – I’m off…
One – See you soon, Jack.
Blackout.
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A sketch from the collection Of Animals and Men
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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https://jeanpierremartinez.net