A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A police officer observes a coroner examining a corpse.
Police Officer – How long ago did the death occur, Doctor?
Coroner – The body is still warm. I’d say two or three hours.
Police Officer – It was a cleaning lady who found the body, slumped in his chair.
Coroner – Mmm…
Police Officer – Do you know what caused his death?
Coroner – The tests will confirm it, but I believe I’m not mistaken, Officer, when I say that this man died from laughter…
Police Officer – That’s quite unusual, indeed.
Coroner – A deep laughter. A throaty laughter. The zygomatic muscles gave way. I don’t need to spell it out for you.
Police Officer – Do you know what could have triggered this fatal burst of laughter?
Coroner – You said he was found in his armchair. It was at his home, in front of the TV…?
Police Officer – No.
Coroner – At the movies?
Police Officer – At the theater.
Coroner – Even more surprising. Usually when we find a spectator slumped in his seat after a show, it’s because he’s dozed off…
Police Officer – Are you sure this man is not simply asleep? Very deeply…
Coroner – Mistake a deep coma for clinical death? Come on, Officer, you don’t take me for a rookie. How about you tell me what kind of play the victim was attending…
Police Officer – My men are questioning the theater director and going through Time Out to confirm his statements… We’ve already issued a search warrant for the alleged playwright on charges of involuntary manslaughter.
Coroner – Involuntary?
Police Officer – According to the theater director, the author believed he had written a tragedy… That’s what he’ll claim, anyway. But you know, I’m not a rookie either. I know how to get a suspect to talk…
Coroner – You’re right, Officer. We can’t let people like that run free. If we can’t go to the theater without risking death by laughter…
Police Officer – It seems he’s still shaking with a few spasms. Are you absolutely sure he’s dead?
Coroner – It’s just the nerves. Trust me, Officer. This man is dead as dead can be.
Police Officer – Do you think he saw himself die?
Coroner – Why? Do you think his testimony could have helped your investigation? Just kidding… You know, in my line of work, with all that we see… It’s better to lighten the mood… Just last week, I autopsied a guy who died of boredom…
Police Officer – At the theater as well? We might be dealing with a serial killer who changes his modus operandi each time to throw us off the track…
Coroner – These days, it’s more common to die of boredom at the theatre than of laughter. No, it was simply during a dinner at his mother-in-law’s…
Police Officer – I see… Do you think the autopsy will reveal other interesting elements?
Coroner – The examination of the stomach contents shows that before this tragedy, the victim had eaten in a Chinese restaurant. Spring rolls, to be precise…
Police Officer – Spring rolls?
Coroner – I am absolutely certain about this point. And then ginger chicken with Cantonese rice.
Police Officer – No dessert?
Coroner – None. But you know, it’s not very surprising. Well… desserts in Chinese restaurants…
Police Officer – Do you think it could have any connection to the death?
Coroner – None at all.
Police Officer – Okay…
The Police Officer is about to leave.
Police Officer – Dying of laughter… And to think that I have to break the news to his family…
Coroner – I understand. You don’t have an easy job either… Why don’t you come to dinner at my place one of these evenings…? You need to decompress… from time to time..
Police Officer – Alright… I’ll talk to my wife about it. (Puzzled) I swear, it looks like he’s still convulsed with laughter…
Coroner – It’s just the nerves, I tell you…
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Stories to die for
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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https://jeanpierremartinez.net