A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
One character paces back and forth behind the second character, who is seated on a chair.
One – You’re going to talk, believe me. I’ve broken tougher ones than you, believe me.
Two (with a weary look) – I’m innocent, I tell you.
One – Yeah, sure. They all say that. Come on, let’s start from scratch. Name, first name, age, profession…
Two – Pedro Sanchez, 33 years old, nurse…
One – And where were you on Wednesday night around midnight?
Two – In my bed. I was sleeping.
One – Alone?
Two – No, with my wife.
One – And of course, you’re going to tell me she was sleeping too…
Two – Well, yes. At midnight. We both had work the next day.
One – You could at least be a bit more imaginative.
Two – I have nothing to say to you, I tell you.
One – Sure, yeah… Well, believe me, you’re going to tell me anyway.
Two – What? That I have nothing to say to you? I just told you.
One – Don’t play dumb with me! You’re not going to win this.
Two – That’s for sure…
He stands up to stretch his legs.
One – Sit down, Sanchez! (The other chuckles.) And be careful or I’ll charge you with contempt as well.
The other sits back down, resigned.
Two – Can’t we even have a little fun…
One – So? Where were you on Tuesday night?
Two – Didn’t we say Wednesday?
One – Yeah, whatever, Tuesday, Wednesday, who gives a damn. Where were you?
Two – I don’t remember.
One – What do you mean, you don’t remember? You just told me you were in bed with your wife.
Two – No, that was on Wednesday, but on Tuesday, I don’t remember.
One – Damn it, you’re going to talk! (He hits the table with his hand, then writhes in pain.) Oh, shoot…
Two – Are you alright…?
One – Mind your own business!
Two – Does it hurt…?
One – A lot…
Two – Let me see.
One – What do you know about it?
Two – I’m a nurse… You made me repeat it at least ten times. (The first one lets him and the other examines his hand.) It’s fine, nothing’s broken.
One – Then why does it hurt like hell?
Two – You didn’t have to hit so hard. It’s crazy, you even broke the table. You know, you almost scared me. I thought you were really going to slap me.
One – I’m sorry, I got carried away.
Two – What nonsense, these interrogation drills. We didn’t sign up to get beaten up in custody, damn it.
One – Yeah, well, next time, you can be the cop. See if it’s more fun than being the suspect…
Two – Can we take a little break? No need to be in a hurry.
One – Alright.
He takes out a pack of cigarettes and offers one to the other.
Two – Thanks, I quit last week. (The other is about to light his cigarette.) By the way, I don’t want to be too nitpicky, but you know it’s forbidden now…
One – What?
Two – Well, uh… We’re in a public place, right?
One – Oh, damn it… No, but why did I choose this crappy job… So now, a cop can’t even offer a cigarette to a suspect during an interrogation?
Two – They could sue you… You watch too much TV, you know…
The other reluctantly puts his pack of cigarettes away.
One – Alright, well, let’s get back to it, then.
Two – Okay. Your turn to be the suspect?
One – Okay.
He sits down on the chair, and the other starts pacing behind him for a while. The first one starts getting impatient.
One – Come on, get on with it. I’m starting to fall asleep here…
Two – Wait, damn it! I’m focusing…
He continues pacing, then starts.
Two – So, you asshole, where were you on Wednesday night at midnight? You’re going to tell me eventually, so you might as well tell me now and save time.
One – Okay. I was robbing the convenience store down the street.
He laughs.
Two – Oh, come on, stop kidding!
One – You just told me we’d save time. You convinced me, and there you go. You’re a damn good cop, buddy. (Looking at his watch) And besides, look at the time! We’re not doing overtime, no way. Not for the pay we get…
Two – Oh, damn it, you’re right, it’s time to hit the road. And I can’t be late today. My wife decided to drag me to the theater tonight.
One – No way…?
Two – I hope it’s less boring than last time. I almost fell asleep…
They both put on their jackets and get ready to leave.
One – And last Wednesday at midnight, what were you doing? I almost want to know now. Come on, you can tell me…
Two – Well, I was in bed, believe it or not.
One – With your wife?
Two – No, with yours, you idiot.
They leave, laughing.
One – Who knows…
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Stories to die for
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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https://jeanpierremartinez.net