A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A section of the street with a sidewalk, and possibly a bench. One character (man or woman) approaches from one side, while another character approaches from the opposite side.
One – Excuse me, do you know where this street leads?
Two – Where it leads? Oh no, I… I’m not exactly sure.
One – But you just came from there, didn’t you?
Two – From where?
One – From this street!
Two – Oh no, I come from number 5, there. That’s where I live… Anyway, it’s right at the beginning of the street. In the other direction, I have no idea where this street goes.
One – Oh, that’s annoying.
Two – Annoying?
One – I won’t take this street without knowing where it leads.
Two – But where are you going?
One – I was told it’s at the end of the street, but…
Two – At the end of the street? Which street?
One – I was told the one going downhill.
Two – The street going downhill? Then it must not be this one.
One – And why not?
Two – I would say this street goes uphill, don’t you think?
One – Oh, really? You think so? I rather think it goes downhill.
Two – Or maybe you didn’t take it in the right direction…
One – Oh no, for me, it goes downhill.
A third character arrives.
Two – Excuse me for bothering you… Do you think this street goes uphill or downhill?
Three – Is this for a survey?
Two – No…
Three – I’m warning you, I don’t do politics.
Two – No, no, it’s just this person who… They were told it’s at the end of the street going downhill, and…
The third person looks at the street.
Three – I would say this street is rather flat, isn’t it?
Two – A false flat, then…
One – Yes, but is it a false flat going uphill or downhill?
Three – Let’s put a marble on the sidewalk, and we’ll see if it goes uphill or downhill.
One – How could a marble go uphill?
Three – Not the marble! The street. We put the marble on the ground, and we’ll see in which direction it starts rolling.
One – Yes, of course, we can do that…
They all seem to be waiting for something.
Two – Do you have a marble?
Three – No.
One – Then why did you talk about putting a marble on the ground?
Three – I just said it like that! I never said I had a marble. Do I look like someone who plays with marbles?
Two – We’d have to find a kid.
One – A kid with marbles.
They look around.
Three – Nowadays, kids playing with marbles…
Two – Yeah…
Three – It’s true. It’s a lost art. When I was a kid, we still played with marbles.
Two – It was a different time. It seems so far away. Now, if kids played with marbles, it would be through a smartphone app.
One – Well, that still doesn’t tell me if it’s the right street.
Three – The right street?
Two – They told him it’s at the end of the street, but they didn’t tell him the name of the street.
Three – Just at the end of the street?
One – I was told the street going downhill.
Three – Going downhill? But in which direction?
Two – That’s what I told him…
Three – But where are you going exactly?
One – Nowhere! I’m looking for my car.
Three – Your car…
One – My husband told me he parked it on a street going downhill, but he didn’t tell me which one…
Two – Was it a long time ago?
Three – Why? Do you think the slope of the street could have changed in the meantime?
Two – Why don’t you just go down the street and see if your car is parked there?
Three – Go down… or up. That is the question.
Two – Did he tell you the exact number?
One – He just said at the end of the street. Right at the top.
Three (skeptical) – At the top? At the end of a street going downhill…
One – I’m a bit afraid of getting lost. I’ve been circling around for a good fifteen minutes already.
Three – It does seem to turn a bit, all the way at the end, doesn’t it?
Two – Well, that would explain everything…
Three – What?
Two – What’s the name of the street on the other side?
One – That street? The one going downhill too?
Three – I would say it goes uphill, but well…
Two – I’ll go check…
He goes to check. The third person turns in the direction where the other one went.
Three – I don’t know where that street goes; I’ve never taken it. I always go to number 214 on Turnalot Street. Twice a week for over ten years.
The other one comes back.
Two – It’s unbelievable; it’s also Turnalot Street, number 214.
Three – That street is Turnalot Street?
Two – Well yes, just like this one.
One – How can a street go downhill in both directions?
Three – Well, if it’s a street that goes in a circle…
Two – It can very well go downhill in both directions…
Three – That’s why your husband told you the street going downhill…
Two – And at the end of a street going downhill in a circle, naturally, you’re at the top of the street.
One – Oh yes, that makes sense…
Three – It’s incredible… I’ve been going through this street from end to end for ten years to go to my psychoanalyst, taking a left at the exit of the station, and I realise today that it’s just to the right when you come out.
One – Oh yes, that’s truly going in circles.
Two – If I were you, I’d stop psychoanalysis…
One (turning around) – Oh well, look, there it is over there…
Three – What?
One – My car!
Two – Well, there you go.
Three – All’s well that ends well.
One – Thank you very much for your help… Excuse me, I have to run, I’m already late…
Two – But of course.
The character walks away. The other two watch him go.
Three – It doesn’t seem to go very smoothly, though…
Two – Yeah…
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Sidewalk Chronicles
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net