A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
The landlord stands behind the counter. The man (or woman) enters, lost in thought.
Landlord – What can I get you?
The other – I don’t know… Whatever you want…
Landlord – Whatever I want? Are you sure?
The other – At this point… What do I have to lose? Surprise me…
Landlord – Alright, I’ll serve you an Oxo. You look pale, it might do you good.
He prepares the Oxo.
The other – An Oxo? Does that still exist?
Landlord – I admit,I don’t sell it very often… and I don’t plan on restocking it.
The other – Assuming they still make it. It hasn’t exceeded the expiration date, has it?
Landlord – You said “whatever you want,” so you have to make up your mind! So, will you take this Oxo or not?
The other – If I can help you get rid of your stock…
The landlord serves the Oxo.
Landlord – You don’t seem to be doing well…
The other – No… I’m looking for a available heart.
Landlord – We’re all in the same boat, you know… Once you reach a certain age… there’s more demand than supply
The other – You couldn’t be more right.
Landlord – Are you a widower?
The other – It’s going to be my wife soon… if I don’t find someone quickly to give me their heart.
Landlord – I’m not sure I follow…
The other – I just got out of the hospital. I’m waiting for a transplant. But for now, there’s no donor.
Landlord – A donor? Ah, yes…
The other – Obviously, you don’t give your heart like you give your blood. The donor has to be deceased, and all the conditions have to be met.
Landlord – I see…
The other – The donor should to be young, so it’s more likely that they died in an accident. The heart has to be in good condition. The family has to agree.
The other prepares to drink.
Landlord – Are you sure you want to drink that?
The other – Well, you have to die of something…
He tastes the Oxo and grimaces.
Landlord – So…?
The other – Oh yes, you need a strong stomach… Have you never had one?
Landlord – I was waiting to see the effect it had on a guinea pig.
The other – If I’m still alive tomorrow morning, I’ll come and tell you.
Landlord – If I had known, I would have served you something else. Now I’m going to worry.
The other – I wonder if it wouldn’t be easier that way. I can already picture my photo in the news: desperate for not finding a compatible heart, he ends his life by swallowing an Oxo expired since… (looking at the label on the empty bottle) 1984!
Landlord – Oh, wow… That’s quite something… Well, it’s a great vintage… Anyway, don’t lose hope. Accidents happen so easily.
The other – Accidents?
Landlord – For your donor! The street across is very dangerous. With all those trucks. There’s a plan for a roundabout, but… Almost every month, a pedestrian gets hit on the crosswalk. And since the hospital is right across…
The other – Thanks… Talking with you has cheered me up…
Landlord – That’s life… what goes around comes around…. One person’s misfortune…
The other – I don’t think I’ll finish this Oxo after all. How much do I owe you?
Landlord – It’s on me. Do you want something else? To get rid of the taste of the Oxo. A Bloody Mary? It’s very invigorating too. Or maybe a Fernet-Branca?
The other – That sounds tempting, but… no, thanks, I’m good.
Landlord – Well then, until next time…
The other – Who knows?
He stands up to leave.
Landlord – Be careful crossing the road.
The other – Thanks for the Oxo.
He exits. The landlord picks up the cup and sniffs the steam coming out. He wrinkles his nose with a disgusted look.
Landlord – Oh, wow…
A screeching of brakes followed by a crash of crumpling metal is heard. He raises his head and glances toward the audience, representing the café window facing the street.
Landlord – Oh, yes, quite something…
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Open Hearts
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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