A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A man slowly regains consciousness in his bed. The woman enters, dressed as a businesswoman, holding a laptop in a briefcase.
Woman – Good morning, dear sir.
Man – Good morning…
Woman – Excuse me for a moment, it won’t take long.
Man – Please, go ahead…
She takes the laptop out of the briefcase, turns it on, and places it on the nightstand so that he can see the screen.
Woman – Do you remember the Wi-Fi password?
Man – I don’t even remember my name.
Woman – No worries, we can skip it. (She clears her throat) Dear sir, I wanted to meet you without delay because I have some good news to share.
Man – A new product, perhaps? A miracle cure? Something that could save my life.
Woman – You’ve said the words right out of my mouth, dear sir. Indeed, the new financial products I have to offer could change your life.
Man – I suppose you’re not a doctor, then.
Woman – I’m your financial advisor. You do hold an account with the Holy Spirit Bank, don’t you?
Man – Yes, perhaps.
Woman – I can assure you that you are one of our top clients.
Man – That’s good to know. Because I’m not even sure I’m a good Catholic…
Woman – Don’t worry; it’s not mandatory for stock trading. And as a privileged client of our bank, I wanted to offer you, as a priority, our new investment opportunities with absolutely exceptional returns.
Man – Oh, I see.
Woman – Look at this graph. (She shows him a chart.) Our new investment fund, the Phoenix Growth Fund, has gained 27% in the last six months.
Man – The Phoenix? Oh yes, that sounds promising. But why that name?
Woman – The year before, unfortunately, the Phoenix had lost 73% of its stock value. It’s a high-risk investment, reserved for the boldest investors, but it always rises from its ashes!
Man – I’m not sure I can say the same.
Woman – Come now, I’m sure I can recognize a fighter in you. The stock market is always a winning investment in the long term.
Man – You know, the long term, for me… I told you I just received the last rites?
Woman – I was getting to that, dear sir. I won’t hide from you that you need to decide quickly. This is an exceptional opportunity. But it won’t be available for everyone. We can only serve our most reactive clients.
Man – I’m not sure I’m very reactive anymore, even to medical treatments. To be honest, I’m starting to wonder if I’m already dead…
She opens her case and takes out a brochure, handing it to him with a sales smile.
Woman – Don’t worry… we also have a range of life and death insurance products.
Man (taking the document) – Thank you…
Woman – I’ll let you think it over, dear sir. We won’t hound you, will we? We’re here to provide you with advice, above all…
Man – Right, I’ll think it over.
Woman – I’ll leave you now; I have other potential investors to see in this facility. By the way, what is this place? Some kind of retirement home?
Man – It’s a Palliative Care Unit.
Woman – I see. So, see you very soon. But think fast, dear sir. In your case, especially, you don’t have any time to waste… and it would be a shame to miss such an opportunity.
Blackout.
All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.
To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.
A sketch from the collection Not even dead
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net