A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A rooftop terrace. A man arrives (Anthony), followed closely by a woman (Clara). They exchange glances but clearly don’t know each other, and quickly look away. The man takes out an electronic cigarette. The woman does the same. The man pretends to look for something in his pockets, then approaches the woman.
Anthony – Excuse me, do you have a lighter, please?
Clara looks puzzled.
Clara – But, it’s an electronic cigarette, right?
Anthony – True, sorry about that. Now that I’ve quit smoking, I guess I’ll need to update my flirting methods a bit.
Clara – If I may say so, you should have updated them since the late ’80s. Don’t you think?
Anthony – Actually, I was just trying to make you laugh. But it seems it missed the mark.
Clara – I see. So the thing with the lighter was a joke. In that case, bravo, very funny. A little heads-up like “Attention, joke” would’ve been nice.
Anthony – I’m also good at being funny unintentionally, you know. Making people laugh comes naturally to me. Sometimes, I even understand my own jokes after I’ve made them. How long has it been since you quit…?
Clara – Making jokes?
Anthony – Smoking.
Clara – Oh no, I’ve never smoked cigarettes. Not yet, anyway. I’m just vaping to try it out.
Anthony – To try it out?
Clara – To see if I really like it.
Anthony – Ah, I see…
Clara – And if I do like it, I’ll start smoking real cigarettes, with real tobacco. Does that sound silly to you?
Anthony – Not at all.
Clara – Although, it is kind of absurd.
Anthony – So, are you pulling my leg now?
Clara – Exactly. And in my case, believe me, it’s completely intentional. I’m only funny when I decide to be.
Anthony – Well… Then we’re even. I also appreciate a woman with a sense of humour, you know? And I have to admit, at first, I was worried you might be completely humourless.
Clara – I’m relieved to hear that. I was worried I’d already disappointed you. But tell me, when you talk about a woman’s sense of humour, are you referring to her ability to laugh at your jokes, whether intentional or not?
He looks puzzled for a moment.
Anthony – How about we take a break?
Clara – I was about to suggest that. After all, that’s why we’re here, right?
Both vape separately.
Anthony – Anyway, it would never have worked out between us.
Clara – Is the break already over?
Anthony – We work at the same company…
Clara – They say one in three people meets their partner at work.
Anthony – Can you imagine going home together to our little apartment in the suburbs and asking each other how our day went – when we’ve worked in the same office all day?
Clara – We work in the same office?
Anthony – I didn’t catch your attention, fair enough. But if you haven’t noticed, maybe you need glasses.
Clara – I’m just pulling your leg again. It’s impressive that we can still surprise each other, even after working together in the same office for three months.
Anthony – You’ve been here three months?
Clara – I’d prefer to take that as one of your unintentional jokes, or it might be a bit offensive. But I agree, in the long run, it would be unbearable.
Anthony – Well, then I see only one solution.
Clara – What’s that?
Anthony – I quit.
Clara – I’m not sure I’d prefer dating an unemployed guy over an office colleague. You wouldn’t even have enough to pay the rent on your little apartment in the suburbs where you thought of inviting me to spend happy days with you.
Anthony – It’s amazing how practical women can be.
She ostentatiously blows the vapour from her cigarette in his face.
Clara – Prince Charmings are rarely listed as unemployed.
She puts away her electronic cigarette.
Anthony – We could still vape together.
Clara – Perhaps we’ll meet again another time.
Anthony – Just a reminder, we work in the same office. It’s unlikely we’ll never see each other again.
Clara – That’s a good reason not to risk sleeping together.
Clara leaves. Anthony stands puzzled for a moment. He smokes a bit more and then leaves too.
Black.
All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.
To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.
A sketch from the collection Nicotine
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net