A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
Two characters seated side by side, the second one has a suitcase on their lap.
One – Have you been here before?
Two – Yes, but it was a long time ago. And you?
One – No, it’s my first time. What did you see?
Two – Oh, I don’t remember very well… It was with… What’s his name again… He’s a very famous actor…
One – Oh, yes…
Two – I think he passed away.
One – Really?
Two – I think so.
One – That’s a unfortunate. Did he have a family?
Two – Yes, I suppose. Just like everyone else.
One – Well… And so, he… he was very famous…
Two – Oh yes, indeed… He had quite a presence in movies. Later on, it was mostly on TV. Eventually, he became more active in the theatre. And towards the end, he practically disappeared from the public eye.
One – Not at all?
Two – He had somewhat faded into obscurity, as they say.
One – It happens, unfortunately.
Two – Yes…
One – At our age, we’re not even sure if it’s the famous people who are forgotten, or if it’s us who are losing our memory…
A pause.
Two – What does “airplane mode” mean?
One – What?
Two – The usher earlier said to turn off your mobile phone completely. “Even in airplane mode.”
One – Oh yes, that’s true.
Two – What does that mean?
One – I don’t know… I never take the plane. And you?
Two – Me neither. Besides, I don’t have a mobile phone.
One – Me neither.
Two – That way, we won’t risk forgetting to turn it off.
A pause.
One – And did you come with your suitcase?
Two – I never part with it. Since…
One – Since what?
Two – I forgot it on the train. The bomb squad came. I arrived just in time. They were about to blow it up!
One – No?
Two – The fear I had… Just imagine leaving it at home, the police dogs come to sniff it out all the way to my doorstep, and the bomb squad breaks down the door to blow it up?
One – You’re right, it’s safer to keep it with you… (A pause)This suitcase really has an unusual smell, though…
Two – You think so?
One – Shouldn’t it have started by now?
Two – Yes, you’re right…
One – They asked us to turn off our mobile phones a while ago.
Two – Or perhaps it has already begun.
One – How could it have started already? Nothing seems to be happening.
Two – You know, with modern theatre…
One – Do you think this is modern theatre?
Two – I’m not sure… It’s sponsored by the town hall, though…
One – That’s the same reason I came. I didn’t realize it was modern theatre.
Two – Do you think there’s an intermission?
One – Do intermissions even exist anymore?
Two – I have no idea… It probably depends on the play’s duration.
One – Do you think it’s lengthy enough to warrant an intermission?
Two – Well, it wasn’t mentioned in the program.
One – It’s been quite some time already, hasn’t it?
Two – Indeed, we’ve been waiting for it to start for quite a while.
One – What if we ended up dozing off?
Two – Both of us at the same time? I doubt it.
One – Perhaps it’s already intermission…
Two – Or maybe the whole thing is already finished.
One – It can’t be over when it hasn’t even begun!
Two – With modern theatre, you never know…
One – So, what’s the plan?
Two – Let’s give it a little more time… It would be too absurd to leave now.
One – You’re right.
A moment of silence.
Two – If only the ushers would bring us ice cream.
One – Isn’t it the cinema where they usually have ice cream?
Two – Oh, I’m not sure…
One – Neither am I.
Two – Even at the cinema these days, I’m not sure ushers still offer ice cream.
One –So, you’re thinking at the theatre…
Two – It’s a shame. I bet more people would come to the theatre if the ushers served ice cream.
One – That’s quite possible…
Two – Let’s give it a bit more time…
One – And then, if it still doesn’t start, we can go grab some ice cream.
Two – Let’s not hold back! We should have gone there straight away…
One – Just think about the ice cream we could have bought with the price of the ticket.
Two – Well, it’s offered by the town hall.
One – Yes… The town hall… They should have offered us ice cream too…
Two – Okay, that’s enough.
They both stand up.
One – Come on, let’s make a run for it.
Two – Let’s go grab a couple of ice creams.
One – A couple?
Two – Two scoops!
One – Oh yes… And don’t forget your suitcase…
Two – You’re right…
They exit.
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Memoirs of a Suitcase
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net