A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A character is there. There’s a knock at the door. He goes to open it.
One – Yes?
Two – Good morning! Mind if I steal five minutes of your time?
The first character hesitates but eventually lets the second in, who is carrying a suitcase.
One – Come in for a quick moment, but I’m pressed for time.
Two – Oh , really? And what’s the rush? It’s Sunday, after all… The Lord’s day….
One – Well… There’s always stuff to do…
Two – Of course… But trust me, you won’t regret letting me in.
One – You’re not about to preach to me, are you?
Two – Relax, it’s not God who sent me. In fact, quite the opposite. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m the devil.
One – You scared me… I thought you were a Jehovah’s Witness. They usually travel in pairs, but…
Two – What I have to offer you is much more interesting… And I always work alone…
One – Fine, but I want to make it clear upfront… I don’t need anything.
Two – Who knows… But let me at least lay out our proposals for you.
One – My soap opera is about to start, and I need to reboot the box. The building’s got a lousy connection.
Two – I promise not to take up too much of your time.
One – Alright, go ahead, but make it quick.
Two – I would like to propose a pact.
One – A package, you mean?
Two – No, no… I said pact.
One – What exactly does that involve?
The second character opens the suitcase and shows him its contents.
Two – I offer you love, glory, and beauty.
One – Oh, you know, at my age…
Two – It’s an extra feature, but if you insist, I can throw in youth as well.
One – Eternal youth?
Two – Eternal… Let’s not exaggerate… What truly lasts forever in this world?
One – Yes, you’re right… It’s more like programmed adolescence these days.
Two – You mean programmed obsolescence, I suppose.
One – Love, glory, and beauty… Sounds like it’ll cost me an arm and a leg.
Two – You’re mistaken, my dear sir. That’s where my offer becomes truly diabolical.
One – How much are we talking about?
Two – It won’t cost you an arm, at least… Just your soul.
One – Oh, really?
Two – But don’t worry, you can pay in instalments.
One – I’ll need some time to think this over.
Two – Selling your soul to the devil, you know, it’s quite a common transaction these days.
One – If you say so…
Two – And what would you do with it anyway?
One – What?
Two – Your soul!
One – It’s true that lately… I haven’t really been using it.
Two – So why not trade it for something useful?
One – On the other hand… You never know… I might still need it.
Two – Well, since I see you hesitating, it’s time for me to unveil our promotion. But be warned, it’s only valid for twenty-four hours…
One – And what’s your offer, then?
The second character takes a catalogue out of the suitcase.
Two – As a welcome gift, I’m offering you a high-speed cable subscription with a bouquet of 563 channels, absolutely free… for three months.
One – Oh, really?
Two – At least… you won’t have to worry about missing your favourite soap opera due to a lousy internet connection.
One – And for the rest, I can pay in instalments?
Two – We’ll deduct a bit of your soul every month. You won’t even notice, trust me.
One – Can I take a look at the contract?
Two – It’s all laid out in the document… Though, I must warn you, the print is quite small and it’s rather technical.
One – Indeed… And I can’t seem to locate my glasses…
Two – Do you trust me? Just sign at the bottom of the pact…
One – Fine…
Two – And don’t forget to initial every page…
One – I hope it’s not too lengthly; my soap opera is about to begin…
Two – Don’t worry. With your new box, you can watch it on replay! As many times as you desire. For eternity. And this, complimentary, for the first three months…
One – Alright… So, where do I put my signature?
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Memoirs of a Suitcase
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net