A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A man approaches another (or a woman).
One – Papers.
The second person hands over their papers.
Two – There you go.
The first person examines the papers.
One – Do you know how fast you were driving?
Two (humbly) – I didn’t realise..
One – And this isn’t the first time.
Two – It’s the last time, I promise.
One – But do you realise? 12 kilometres per hour on the highway! You could have caused a very serious accident! What do you have to say for yourself?
Two – I wasn’t in a hurry…
One – Are you kidding me?
Two – I swear I’m not! In fact… It’s a kind of phobia… Every time I set off, I have the fear of arriving…
One – You mean not arriving…
Two – No, arriving! It’s the same when I’m on a plane…
One – Are you afraid of flying?
Two – Not at all… I’m afraid of landing… Well, not landing per se… It’s the end of the journey, if you prefer… It terrifies me… I’m so anxious… I could divert the plane to prevent it from landing… But it wouldn’t serve any purpose. Even if we circled the airport, we would eventually burn all the fuel and still have to make an emergency landing, right?
One – Yes…
Two – Unless we’re refuelled in flight…
One – Yes…
Two – You don’t have this kind of anxiety on a motorcycle?
One – No…
Two – What I liked as a child was the amusement rides… Since they go around in circles, you’re sure never to get anywhere… I always rode the saucer… You know, the spinning top? We spin around ourselves… In addition to going around in circles… By the way, going around in circles is the universal movement, right…? Planets spin on themselves and around the sun… And you…?
One – Me…?
Two – What did you ride on at the amusement park?
One – On the motorcycle…
Two – Already…
One – In fact, my father used to place me astride the motorcycle.
Two – And yet, motorcycles are very dangerous.
One – What I would have liked is to ride in the pumpkin…
Two – The pumpkin?
One – Well, the carriage, you know… Especially because even on a motorcycle, I could never catch up with the carriage… On the amusement ride, I mean…
Two – Do you remember Mary Poppins?
One – Mary Poppins…?
Two – The movie! (Horrified) That scene when the wooden horses detach from the carousel to roam the countryside and end up galloping on a racecourse, racing breathlessly towards the finish line, mouths full of foam…
One – Mouths full of foam, are you sure?
Two – For me, it was worse than The Exorcist!
The other looks at him for a moment with a perplexed expression.
One – Well…
He returns the papers to the other.
One – You’re not drunk, are you?
Two – I swear I’m not…
One – Alright, it’s fine for this time… You can go…
Two – Go…?
One – And faster than that!
Two – Well… You don’t want to revoke my license…?
The other gives him a negative look.
Two – Okay, I’m going…
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Lost Times Chronicles
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net