A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
The stage is totally empty. He is already there, standing. She arrives.
Her (looking around, astonished) – But… where’s all the furniture gone?
Him (proud of himself) – You’ll never guess. (She looks at him, waiting for an explanation) A guy rang the doorbell this morning. An antique dealer!
Her (worried) – And?
Him – At first, I told him that we had nothing to sell…
Her – And then…?
Him – I thought there was no harm in having it all valued. The estimate was free. You’ll never guess how much he offered me for all that old junk.
Her – How much?
Him – Enough to buy new stuff. Easily.
Her – Then why did you sell it?
Him – For a change! You said you wanted a new couch.
Her – And?
Him – Well, you know very well if we’d changed the couch, we would’ve had to get a matching table. Then new chairs, and so on…
Her – Maybe…
Him – It would’ve cost us a fortune! And what would have we done with the old furniture?
She says nothing.
Him – This way, it’s much simpler.
Her – And in the meanwhile?
Him – In the meanwhile what?
Her – Until we buy new furniture…
He looks around at the empty room.
Him – Personnaly, I’ve never liked cluttered rooms.
Her – Well, this one’s definitely not cluttered anymore…
Him – Aren’t you happy?
Her – I didn’t say I wanted no furniture at all. We don’t even have a bed anymore!
Him – I just explained… I thought you’d be pleased!
Her (trying to be conciliatory) – Look, let’s go out to dinner tonight. We’ll stay in a hotel, and tomorrow we’ll go furniture shopping. OK?
Him – OK…
Silence.
Him – We just have to pick a style.
Her – If we’re starting from scratch, maybe we should go modern?
Him – Yeah… But then we’ll need to repaint.
Her – Don’t you think you’re being a bit too perfectionist?
Him – Modern furniture with these filthy walls… it’ll clash.
Her (ironically) – Maybe we should just move altogether.
Him – You think? (Pause) Actually, moving would be easy… Just shut off the water and electricity, we wouldn’t even have to come back.
She suddenly has a doubt.
Her – Did you empty the drawers?
Him – Of course.
Her – And your wedding ring?
Him – My wedding ring?
Her – The one you kept in the nightstand drawer!
Him – Shit…
She says nothing, but we can see she’s devastated. He looks crushed too.
Him – It had been there for so long. I’d completely forgotten about it…
Silence.
Her – Do you have the dealer’s contact details?
Him – No… He paid in cash, loaded everything into his van, and drove off. (Pause, uncertain) If he finds it, he’ll surely call us…
Her (bitter) – Right… And if you don’t find it, you can always get yourself a new wife. A more modern one, to match the new paint and furniture.
Him – I’m sorry…
Her – Why did you never wear that ring?
Him – I did wear it! (Pause) Before we got married… Remember? I bought them in a market in Yemen. To make it look like we were already married. Otherwise, they wouldn’t rent us a room in the hotels.
Her – Now that you’ve sold all our furniture, including the marital bed, we’ll have no choice but to go to a hotel tonight…
Him – Don’t worry, it’s not like they’re going to ask for our marriage certificate.
Her – And after the wedding? Why did you keep your ring in that drawer?
Him – Well… I was afraid of losing it.
Her – Well done…
Silence.
Him – Are you mad at me?
She doesn’t answer.
Him – Come on, let’s go!
Her – Where?
Him – To the hotel! It’ll be like a second honeymoon… No more ring, no more furniture, soon no more apartment. A fresh start!
Her – I still have my wedding ring…
Him – You should probably take it off.
Her – Why?
Him – You look married, I don’t. At the hotel, they’ll think I’m having an affair…
Her – So my options are: go back to being single, or play the mistress?
They leave.
Her – You have a funny idea of what marriage means…
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Him and Her
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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