A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A couple is admiring a painting we can’t see, hanging on an invisible wall.
Him – Panini, isn’t it?
Her – Let’s have a look.
She steps closer and, leaning in, reads the painter’s name above the frame.
Her – Not quite… it’s Carpaccio.
Him – Of course…
They admire the painting for a moment, then move on to another.
Her (playfully) – Want to have another go?
Him – Sure…
He examines the painting carefully.
Him – Picasso…?
She gives him a look to let him know he’s wrong.
Her – Pissarro… Picabia!
Him – Oh yes… I always mix those two up.
They move on to the next painting.
Him – Your turn?
She studies it carefully.
Her – Manet…?
Him (reading the name above the frame) – Monet!
Her – Well… close enough, isn’t it?
They continue.
Her – Look! They’ve got a lot of Bacon here too…
He glances at her, unsure what she means. Then they go look at the painting.
Her – It’s good, isn’t it?
Him – Yes, it’s…
Her – It’s Bacon.
Him – Yes…
Silence.
Her (thoughtful) – Sometimes I wonder…
Him – What?
Her – If I didn’t know it was Bacon, would I still find it that good?
He looks at her, surprised.
Her – If I didn’t know these paintings were worth millions… Let’s be honest. Imagine you’d never heard of the Mona Lisa. You spot her at a flea market. Price tag: three hundred pounds. Can you honestly say you’d hang her above the fireplace? That daft woman with her silly smile?
He thinks about it.
Him – We don’t even have a fireplace…
Her – No, but seriously, even after visiting dozens of museums and hundreds of exhibitions, could we really tell the difference between a masterpiece and total rubbish?
Him – We’ll never know. You only ever see masterpieces in museums. It’s not fair, really. Every museum should keep one room just for awful paintings. Like a kind of placebo test, you know? To check whether the other ones are actually beautiful, or if we just think they are because someone told us so.
Her – In the end… going to a museum is a bit like going to church, isn’t it? You go for the atmosphere, more than anything.
Him – Luckily, you can still go even if you don’t believe… Same goes for love…
She looks at him, uncertain.
Him – I mean marriage. Look at us… We got married in church. And yet, we don’t really believe in God.
Silence.
Her – Do you remember our honeymoon in Paris? You took me to the Picasso Museum…
Him (nostalgic) – Of course I remember…
Her – We were so excited… It was only halfway through that we realised we were actually in the Carnavalet Museum…
Him – Yes… They’re both in the same neighbourhood…
Her (smiling) – I did wonder why the preliminaries were taking so long…
Him – The preliminaries…?
Her – I mean Picasso. His early period.
Him – Ah, yes. Of course…
Silence. They begin to leave.
Her – Have you heard of that artist who paints underwater? (He isn’t sure he’s understood.) He puts on a wetsuit, dives down, and paints coral reefs.
Him – I can’t say I have. Any good?
Her – Actually… yeah, not bad at all.
Black.
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A sketch from the collection Him and Her
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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