A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
A character enters. He looks around, a bit lost. Then he starts crying. Another character enters.
One – Hey, what’s the matter with you?
Two – I’ve lost my wife…
One – I’m so sorry. My deepest condolences.
The other stops crying immediately.
Two – No, she’s not dead.
One – Oh, she’s not…?
Two – It’s just that… I was trying on shoes, she was right next to me and… the next moment, she was gone.
One – Right, so… you lost your wife.
Two – Yes, that’s what I’m saying.
One – But she’s still alive.
Two – Yes, at least I think so…
One – Even more reason not to cry.
Two – Yes, but… she was right there next to me and… the next moment, she was gone.
One – She didn’t just vanish into thin air! People don’t disappear like that.
Two – I told you! She was right next to me and…
One – The next moment, she was gone… Yes, I get it.
The other looks around, completely bewildered.
Two – Gone… She’s gone…
One – We’ll find her, don’t worry… Do you want me to take you to the customer service desk? I’m sure they’ll make an announcement.
Two – What kind of announcement?
One – What’s your name?
Two – Anthony.
One – Something like… “Little Anthony is waiting for his wife at customer service.”
Two – Or maybe she decided to leave me.
One – How long have you been married?
Two – Thirty years.
One – And after thirty years, she’d suddenly decide to leave you, just like that? In the middle of a supermarket, she’d ditch you and walk off with the trolley.
Two – Oh God, the trolley, that’s right! It’s gone too…
One – Was it empty or full?
Two – Empty, I think.
One – In that case, she can’t have gone far… What were the last words your wife said to you?
Two – Let me think… Oh yes, I remember. She said exactly : “I’ll meet you in the frozen food aisle.”
One – In that case, you might want to consider another possibility.
Two – Which is?
One – That she’s waiting for you in the frozen food aisle.
Two – You think so?
One – I doubt a woman would leave her husband after thirty years of marriage and say as a farewell, “I’ll meet you in the frozen food aisle” without intending to actually go there…
Two – You’re right, I’ll go and check. Thank you! Thank you so much…
He’s about to leave when a voice-over is heard.
Voice-over – Little Mildred is waiting for her husband in the DIY aisle.
Two – Do you think that could be her?
One – What’s your wife’s name?
Two – Mildred.
One – You’d better go check…
The other leaves but comes back immediately.
Two – Where’s the DIY aisle?
One – I’ll come with you…
Blackout.
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A sketch from the collection For real and for fun
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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https://jeanpierremartinez.net