A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
Ethan is reading a newspaper. Eve is dozing.
Ethan – Did you see? China gave up its one-child policy.
Eve – Here we go again… As if there weren’t already enough of us.
Ethan – And all that pollutes, pollutes.
Eve – Especially with their coal-fired power plants.
Ethan – Nuclear’s dangerous, but at least it’s clean.
A pause.
Eve – Imagine if, instead of the one-child policy, China adopted a zero-child policy. There’d be no more Chinese in a generation.
Ethan – You’d still have to wait for all the old Chinese to die.
Eve – Alright, let’s say a hundred years, then.
Ethan – Even so, there are a lot of centenarians in China.
Eve – Even centenarians die eventually.
Ethan – Isn’t it Japan that has all the centenarians?
Eve – Yes, maybe.
Ethan – One thing’s for sure: fewer Chinese means less pollution.
Eve – But there’d still be over a billion Indians.
Ethan – We’d need to do the same in India.
Eve – And in Africa.
Ethan – And the United States.
Eve – Actually, we’d have to do it everywhere.
Ethan – If there were no humans at all, pollution would be permanently solved. At least the planet would breathe easier.
Eve – No kids, like us—that’s the only solution.
Ethan – That’s what the Cathars used to say.
Eve – Wait, the Cathars were environmentalists?
Ethan – Well, they were against reproduction.
Eve – They were absolutely right.
Ethan – In a way, we’re like Cathars.
Eve – Yes… At least our kids won’t add to the carbon footprint.
Ethan – When they invent energy-efficient kids…
Eve – Low-consumption kids.
Ethan – And fully recyclable ones.
Eve – Yeah, I’m not holding my breath for that.
Ethan – Want some more wine? It’s organic.
Eve – If it’s organic, then sure…
Blackout.
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A sketch from the collection Ethan and Eve
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