A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
Two characters are leafing through a stack of electoral manifestos.
One – How many are there exactly?
Two – Twenty-three.
One – That’s crazy. Every election, there are always more candidates.
Two – Must be inflation.
One – Yeah. And candidates are like banknotes, the more there are in circulation, the less they’re worth.
Pause.
Two – Who are you thinking of voting for?
One – I don’t know… I quite like this one…
Two – Which one?
One – The one with the nice tie, always well-groomed.
Two – Oh, yeah…
One – Look at this one. He could have shaved at least!
Two – And what do you think of this one? I think he presents himself well too.
One – Yeah… Maybe a bit too much, though.
Two – Too much?
One – I don’t know, he’s a bit too… Could he be…
Two – No… You think so?
One – Or maybe this one.
Two – Which one?
One – This one!
Two – Looks like Lieutenant Columbo.
One – True… But I like Lieutenant Columbo.
Two – I heard him on TV last time, swearing like a trooper!
One – Yeah.
Two – No, this one’s always well-mannered.
One – Yes, but you know what they say.
Two – What?
One – Too polite to be honest.
Two – Then again… Rude people aren’t always honest either.
One – Can’t argue with that.
Two – When you’re representing the country, though… Especially abroad.
One – Yeah.
Two – Back in our day, when they still wore uniforms, it had more panache.
One – True… Although General De Gaulle… His uniforms weren’t always well-tailored, were they?
Two – He was very tall.
One – Some people wear their suits too big, he was a bit too big for his suit.
Two – True, Marshal Petain wore the uniform better.
One – Because he was shorter.
Two – Well, all this doesn’t help us decide who to vote for
One – That one looks completely stupid.
Two – He’s the incumbent candidate.
One – Oh, really?
Two – We voted for him last time.
One – No? I didn’t realise he was so ugly.
Two – And what about this one?
One – Too centrist.
Two – How can someone be too centrist? Centre is centre, isn’t it?
One – I’m not saying too centrist compared to the centre, I’m saying too centrist compared to me!
Two – You want him to lean more left?
One – I don’t know. Or maybe more right. Because the centre…
Two – Yeah, it lacks a bit of…
One – It’s true, he seems a bit wishy-washy.
Two – Hey, we’ve never tried this one.
One – Yeah… Well, I’ve never tried sodomy either.
Two – What?
One – Oh, nothing, I was just saying… Yeah, why not this one…
Fade to black.
All the texts available on this website can be downloaded for free. However, performance rights, which constitute fair compensation for the author’s work, are a legal obligation. Whether you are an amateur or a professional, you must request authorization to perform the play and pay the corresponding royalties for the production.
To get in touch with Jean-Pierre Martinez and ask an authorization to represent one of his works: CONTACT FORM.
A sketch from the collection Enough is enough!
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
Find all of Jean-Pierre Martinez’s plays on his website:
https://jeanpierremartinez.net