A Sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
One – Promise me you won’t panic…
Two – What?
One – I barely dare tell you.
Two – I’m already starting to panic.
One – We change the clocks tonight.
Two – No way? Are you sure it’s tonight?
One – They said it on the radio.
Two – But wait… do we move the clock forward an hour or back an hour?
One – That’s exactly why I asked you not to panic.
Two – What now?
One – This year, it’s not one hour, it’s two hours.
Two – No way? They’re trying to kill us…
One – Next year, it will be three hours… and so on.
Two – We’ll be having breakfast at sunset…
One – And going to bed when the sun rises.
Two – It’ll be a topsy-turvy world.
One – We’ll be living on Washington or Tokyo time.
Two – Depends whether we move the little hand forward or back.
One – So?
Two – I still don’t know… They say we’ll gain two hours of sleep.
One – Gain two hours of sleep…? What does that even mean?
Two – That we’ll get up later, I guess.
One – I don’t get it. Especially since they always do it on Saturday night, and anyway, on Sunday, we always get up later.
Two – They’re trying to kill us, I’m telling you.
One – Couldn’t they wait until all the old folks are dead before changing the clocks?
Two – It’s not when we’re dead that we’ll get up later, that’s for sure. We won’t get up at all.
One – They’re a pain… Especially since they got rid of the speaking clock.
Two – So what?
One – Well, if the speaking clock still existed, we could call tomorrow morning to find out the time and set our watch.
Two – I liked the speaking clock.
One – Yeah, it was like company.
Two – Sometimes, when I was bored, I’d call the speaking clock. Just to hear its voice.
One – Yeah, with the speaking clock, you were never alone. You always had someone to talk to.
Two – It didn’t talk back, but still… You could hear a voice.
One – At the fourth beep, it will be exactly…
Two – Was it the fourth beep or the third beep?
One – I can’t remember…
Two – On the radio, it’s the fourth beep.
One – Right after the weather forecast.
Two – They’re a pain, with their weather forecast, every half hour.
One – As if we needed to know the weather twice an hour.
Two – Yeah… If they got rid of the weather on the radio, the shows would be half as long.
One – And what do we care about the weather at the other end of the country?
Two – What we want to know is the weather here.
One – And to know the weather here, all you have to do is look out the window.
Two – The weather, you say… We don’t even know what time it is!
One – They’re a pain, I’m telling you.
Blackout.
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A sketch from the collection Don’t panic!
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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