A sketch by Jean-Pierre Martinez
One – Promise me you won’t panic…
Two – What?
One – I invited the neighbours over for drinks.
Two – No…? You didn’t do that?
One – I don’t know what came over me… We bumped into each other on the stairs. I didn’t know what to say. We started talking about the weather. At some point, I ran out of things to say. I was really embarrassed. And then I heard myself say: “One of these days, you must come over for drinks.”
Two – And what did they say?
One – They answered right away: “Why not Saturday evening?”
Two – Saturday evening?
One – Saturday evening…
Two – And what did you say?
One – I said… alright.
Two – No way?
One – They looked delighted.
Two – But we’ve never invited anyone over for drinks!
One – No.
Two – How are we going to manage?
One – I don’t know.
Two – How do people do it?
One – I have no idea. No one has ever invited us for drinks either.
Two – I think we got invited once, but we said we weren’t available.
One – Yeah… We panicked…
Two – Drinks… I have no idea how we’re going to handle this.
One – First, we need something to drink.
Two – Like what?
One – For drinks… People usually have whisky, I think.
Two – Whisky, you think? And where are we going to find that…?
One – And something to nibble on.
Two – Maybe olives? Once, in a café, I saw people eating olives while drinking whisky.
One – Olives… Black olives or green olives?
Two – You should have asked them which they preferred.
One – I could always call them.
Two – Do you even have their number?
One – I don’t know what came over me. I gave them our number, and they gave me theirs.
Two – You gave them our phone number?
One – A moment of madness…
Two – We’ll get through this, don’t panic.
One – At worst, we can always move out without leaving a forwarding address and change our phone number.
Two – By Saturday?
One – What day is it today?
Two – Friday.
One – That’s going to be tight…
Two – And we just moved in. Last time, we had to move out to avoid the neighbours’ party. And now you’re inviting the new neighbours over for drinks!
One – I know… I’m ashamed…
Two – Look, we’ll get through this together, okay? We’re married, after all. For better or for worse.
One – So we’re not moving out?
Two – Drinks… It can’t be that bad.
One – You think?
Two – No. I was just saying that to make you feel better.
One – I’m going to ask ChatGPT how to host drinks with friends.
Two – With friends?
One – Let’s say with next-door neighbours.
Two – Don’t forget to ask about the olives…
One – The olives…?
Two – Black or green!
One – I’ll also ask for a list of conversation topics.
Two – Good idea. Meanwhile, I’ll look up a moving company and a storage unit.
One – Yes… Just in case we really start to panic…
Blackout.
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A sketch from the collection Don’t panic!
Link to the collection for free download (PDF)
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